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Superman walks into a library ...

Jay Pinkerton has written a few sequels to the Superman movies (caveat lector: um, language, scatological humour and homoerotic themes). From one:

Superman II

...

Zod: "Once again, Superman � kneel before ZOD!"

Superman: "I think not, scum. I've got another plan in mind that I think will fit scum like yourselves perfectly."

Zod: "I � please stop calling us scum."

Superman: "Never, scum!"

Zod: "Look, really. All pretense aside, just guys talking here � stop it. It makes you sound like an idio�"

Superman: "Maybe a flight around the Earth at incredible speeds, thus reversing the planet's rotation, will fix your wagons!"

Zod: "Flying around the Earth at incredible speeds, thus reversing the planet's rotation? No! Our one weakness!"

Superman: "Ah ha ha ha! That's right! I did a little research on you scum before coming here!"

Zod: "But wherever would you get such information?"

Superman: "At the PUBLIC LIBRARY."

Library workers: the super-secret sidekicks of superheroes everywhere (except Barbara Gordon, of course).